the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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