dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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