That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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