i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
