her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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