Can i not drive my cunt home
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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