How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
