why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
