It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
