Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
