Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
