he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
