um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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