This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
