Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
