could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
