she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
