im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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