Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
