Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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