I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
