The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
