If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
