I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
