Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
