A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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