he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
