I cannot find my penis.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
