Her vagina should come with caution tape.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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