I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
