oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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