We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize