i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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