dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
