I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
