you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
