I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
