why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize