HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
