Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize