I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
