just tell him i said nine months
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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