Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
