Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
