You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
