i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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