dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
