I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
