dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
