Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
