I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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