how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
