I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
