You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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