I hate all girls vehemently.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
