Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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