Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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