I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
