Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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