just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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