a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
