So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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