I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
