She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
