If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I believe in your delicious
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
